It’s 11pm. For the last 5+ hours, it’s been all about Ella. Ella gets fed, Ella gets her outdoor potty break, Ella goes back inside for an hour of rough-housing and ball chasing, Ella goes back outside for a 2-hour walk in the park where she gets to roll around in the grass and play tug of war with a stick with a black lab named Uzo…and sniff all the recyclables out on the sidewalks en route to and from the park…and get petted by my neighbors who always stand out front by the stoop. Wow, what a good night for Ella.

You’d think after all that, Ella might look something like this….

Well, as the saying goes, you can’t always get what you want folks. Sleep might be the normal response after all of the above activity…but Ella is still so wound up that she burst into the puppy zoomies. I managed to catch her on the tail end of it…my camera never saw it coming…

It is near impossible to get any cleaning done with Ella around. And since she’s never not around, you can guess how much of a mess my apartment is always in. Well, trying to take advantage of the long weekend to tidy up, I busted out the cleaning supplies to try to scrub this place clean.

I don’t know why i thought today would be any different. As you can see, in addition to taking out all of her toys (and my shoes!) and leaving them covering every square inch of this floor, she takes over the bowl I had planned to use for mopping.

If I’m lucky, maybe she’ll let me use it when she’s done.

But only if I’m quick about it.

And only if she gets to tear up cardboard or unravel a roll of toilet paper while I use the bowl.

You see my dilemma.

My favorite occasions to be in the city are on long holiday weekends and weekends during the summer. Why? Because everyone else leaves! And NYC operating with half its usual population is without a doubt THE BEST place on earth…

As a special bonus, the weather this weekend has been awesome, so in the spirit of Memorial Day weekend, Ella and I decided to hit The Pool! No, no…not a traditional pool (though Ella would undoubtedly love a swim), but rather the beautiful and serene refuge on the northwest side of Central Park called “The Pool”.

Here are some highlights…

One of Ella’s favorite treats are Bully Sticks. For those of you who are unfamiliar, you may school yourselves here…but please note the most important bit of information, that being the revelation a bully stick is, in fact, a bull’s penis.

Well let me tell you, there has been a mad run on bull penis here in NYC and you can’t find these things anywhere. As a last desperate attempt (running out of something for Ella to chew on would be a COMPLETE disaster…), we ran up to the Petco yesterday evening and I was certain we’d find a suitable bone for Ella there. Alas, the only Bully Sticks they had left were THE LARGEST “THINGS” I HAVE EVER SEEN.

I debated, but given the choice between no chew bone or one that may be a bit oversized for my lil pup, I chose the latter. Needless to say, it didn’t fit in my purse. And Ella was jumping about like a mad dog trying to get it all the way home.

OK well I’m too embarrassed to discuss this any further, so I’ll let the images speak for themselves…

Trying a new position…
And, some bonus bully footage…

Ella’s attention span isn’t the greatest when it comes to games of fetch. She’ll chase after the ball a few times but generally loses interest pretty quickly. In all fairness, it’s hard for the ball to compete with the squirrels, pigeons, and mud puddles throughout the park. Poor ball. It even squeaks…and it still can’t win Ella’s undying attention. And all those other distractions mean plenty of opportunity for Ella to escape to…well, let’s face it, she doesn’t know where she wants to escape to exactly…she just wants to be free and figure all the details out later.

Anyway, here’s a clip of Ella and I playing fetch at night in the park. A few things to note:

1) I’ve always told people not to be fooled by Ella’s cuteness - that she is really a little devil in disguise. I hate to be smug but I do believe that her glowing eyes in this clip provide irrefutable evidence that she is in actuality an American-English-Devil Golden Retriever…

2) Apparently, “devil mixes” are inclined not to listen. As you’ll see, Ella obliges me once and actually sits on cue, but the remainder of our session, she pretty much does what she wants. This is why we only play fetch at night - a) so she doesn’t see all the other things that would ordinarily make her run off, and b) so that momma doesn’t feel ashamed of being such an unassertive pack leader.

3) Momma can’t toss a ball suitable for catching to save her life. You’ll remember that I have previously talked about my bad aim. I don’t know what happened…I used to be such a good athlete…Ella deserves a momma who doesn’t throw like a girl.

I have always preferred to fly under the radar. Before I had Ella, you would generally see me walking around the city with earphones in, sunglasses on…read: I’m not interested in communicating with strangers so, politely, please leave me alone, thank you very much.

Fast forward to roughly late March ’08 when one such complete stranger stopped me on 79th and Park and said, “Oh my God I’ve heard about you!” I looked around, puzzled, sure she just forgot to take her meds that morning (something about these Upper Eastside women…so rich, so often drugged to dull the pain of being so rich). Anyway, she quickly clarified by saying, “I heard there was a new golden retriever puppy in the neighborhood!!” Whoa, seriously? Not a day later, a woman stopped me in the park and asked if I felt like a celebrity as often as I was being stopped while out and about. I promise you, if Ella knew how to write, she’d surely be signing autographs. Already, several people have stopped us to have their picture taken with her…

Anyway, here’s a perfect example of what others see when I’m out walking Ella, and why we never make it very far without people cooing and stopping us and telling me how beautiful and sweet she is. Of course it’s all very nice and I appreciate the complements. But in an answer to the woman’s question about whether I feel like a celebrity? No, I don’t feel like a celebrity…I feel like a celebrity’s handler! (Shouldn’t I get paid for this? Don’t most celeb assistants at least get some nice hand-me-down clothes/handbags or the stuff in the gift bags left over from industry events? I mean, throw a furmomma a bone!)

Now, go ahead…coo away…

As Ella gets older, she is increasingly intrigued by the ducks we see in Central Park. It’s all I can do sometimes to keep her from jumping in the Conservatory Water to chase after them. So I figured she’d love to have her very own quacking stuffed toy duck to chase around the apartment.

Well, as this clip shows, not all ducks are created equal, and apparently synthetic fur and a fake honker are no substitute for real feathers and a good ol’ genuine quack! She spends the first several minutes backing away in fear from this stuffed monstrosity, and the last couple of minutes trying to make the best of it but ultimately being bored.

I would bring home the real deal from the park for Ella to play with, but between the duck and Ella, I don’t think i could handle cleaning up all those messes…