But it’s the stuffed animals who really have to be careful of Ella’s charming yet sociopathic ways for in their case it truly is a life or death situation.

Case in point.

At my parents’ house, many of my old stuffed animals are still displayed on the bookshelves of my old room. Ella immediately took several of them down off the shelves, arranged them in a pile, and slept up against them. How cute is that??

Ella lays her weary head on the stuffed animals’ shoulders.

An aerial shot of the stuffed lovefest

Just when she had all the animals in the house assured of her sweetness, she turned. Poor bear never saw it coming:

Ruthless, Ella goes straight for the throat

Bear gets pinned (note the dirty sock in the hallway behind them – nice)

Ella’s uses her famous booty maneuver to hold bear down until he screams “uncle”

Alas, Ella didn’t even go about it humanely and put him out of his misery, she had to torture the poor thing by maiming his leg and biting off his nose.

Noseless, but with snout still intact, hopefully no one notices.

Bear sustains a critical wound to the thigh

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One of Ella’s truly “special” characteristics is that she’s a helper. When I bring my finished laundry back from the cleaners, she’s always happy to stick her nose in the bag, pull out the socks and unmate them. Whenever I bring the mail in and throw it down on the bed, she takes care of shredding it for me – including the bills which I’m REALLY pleased about. And whenever I get a package, without hesitation she jumps in the middle of it all to help me open it up.

Case in point, a couple of months ago, I got a new keyboard (I’m an aspiring photographer AND a wannabe pianist). For once, I was more excited than Ella about the delivery. While I was busy cursing the instructions (and I use that term loosely) for putting together the stand, Ella took it upon herself to finish unpacking the box which I had clearly not taken care of adequately.

I think the pictures speak for themselves.

Months have gone by and I’m still finding bits of styrofoam under the furniture.

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Come rain, sleet, snow, hell or high water (or something like that), I deliver a heart pounding exercise session every morning for Ella. We spend almost 2 hours in Central Park running, chasing squirrels, playing frisbee, and trying to avoid all the horse poop on the Bridle Path. Not delivering is not even an option…not unless I’m ok with her bouncing off the walls of the shoebox all day (and sometimes – like, today for example (*counting to ten and breathing deeply*) – she does that anyway…).

But when it actually is raining or being otherwise inclement, to put it plainly…it sucks. Yesterday, for example, was the start of a miserably rainy weekend. At 5:30am, Ella and I headed out the door and into the pouring rain. There was no frisbee or fetch to be had that morning – momma’s only goal was to run the hell out of Ella until I reduced her hyperactivity to a manageable level. When we got to the Bridle Path, it became evident that Ella is definitely a mudder; momma, on the other hand, is not.

For the 75 minutes we spent in the cold wet rain, all I could think about was what the hell I was going to do when we got back home – both soaking wet, both covered in horse poopy water and mud. I already knew what Ella was going to do. In fact, I suspect she was just biding time during those 75 minutes until she could get home and the real fun could begin.

Try as I might to throw her straight in the bathtub, Ella (as usual) squirmed free to have her way…

“Screw the towel momma. I got it covered.”

“Ooohhhh yeah. Look, don’t worry – I’ll be dry in no time.”

“Gotta get the ears. They’re my best feature – wouldn’t want a speck of mud left on them.”

Thank goodness momma had that extra blanket on the sofa – you know, for Ella.

“What?”

Ella may be drier, but momma is clearly not.

Figured I’d get a posed shot – because one day I’ll look back on these days and smile…right?

I’m not choking her here. I swear.

‘Tis the season – protect them with Merial Frontline Plus Flea and Tick Control for Dogs and Puppies

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She’s already killed Raffy. After she took out Monkey, she destroyed Froggie too – that one was too gruesome…I can’t even show you the pics.

I tell you, lately I really am struggling to note the differences between furchildren and the human kind. I look at Ella when she sleeps, and I think to myself “What a beautiful angel”…and then she wakes up and immediately lifts the top on the trashcan, pulls out a used tissue, and rips it to shreds, and I think…”Wha???”

Anyway, the stuffed animal destruction has got to stop. Just as elephants are killed for their ivory tusks, it seems the root cause of the stuffed animal poaching lies in their valuable squeakers…

The gutting begins.

Nosing for squeakers…

Growing impatient, Ella goes straight for the jugular…

She hits gold and smugly enjoys her reward.

“You got any squeakers in you? I’ll gut you too!”

Poo happens – A LOT. Clean it up with Bags on Board Biodegradable Bags

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